Abstand

There is something about the German word that has cemented its way into my brain far more than "distance" ever would. Maybe it's that "ab" prefix. You are standing "off" from something, "away" from it. By standing away from it, this thing, whatever it may be, cannot touch you...physically, emotionally. If the thing were a beast, it could not bite you; if it were glowing embers, it could not burn you; if it were an horrific event, it could not make your heart bleed in desperate agony. My heart's been bleeding a lot of late. There is something about the world that makes me cry for it these days. Humanity is off its mooring. The word itself, I mean, for humanity itself seems to have become so terrible inhumane. Las Vegas was a tipping point for me, somehow. I honestly cannot tell you why. Something about it pushed me over the edge. The unrelenting, seemingly bottomless source of tears inside of myself suddenly hurt too very much and then promptly dried up. And "Abstand" started just flashing over and over in my head. You see, when you care a little too much, when you hope for people a little too sincerely, you run the risk of losing yourself. You run the risk of losing your sense of humor. Your lightness of being gets pinned down. The skip in your step only lumbers. But "Abstand" has been forming in my brain for some time, I think. It has been months since I first remember it having shown itself. Actually, I know right when it started; it was while watching a rerun. A Vulcan mentioned (in a Star Trek episode) that "the problem with humans is that they are not able to objectify other cultures, thus rendering them unable to logically analyze them without emotion." What?, I remember thinking. We had been taught while growing up to not say "oriental", for, to do so would be "objectifying" another race. It is when we objectify others, after all, that we are able to lose our connection to them. Objectification in the basis by which racism can exist. That is how we can begin to think of "us" and "them", when, in reality, it is only "we". But here, Commander Tuvok, a member of an advance alien species, was openly encouraging it. He was encouraging Abstand when analyzing other people's behaviors. I think Las Vegas was my limit. The hurt that I have accumulated from watching the unravelling of society, of the world at large really, had reached its limit and I could empathize no more. The hermit instinct in me, a protective one that I had learned early in life, came back and ushered me away. I will now simply be a spectator to humanity's descent. I will not get emotionally caught up in it. I cannot. I will live my life as though it exists outside of reality, for reality today is far too grim. I will create. I will write. I will compose. Perhaps, if I can muster it in spite of my disappointment, I will sing. But I am not of here. I am not of now. I am crossing my arms and refuse to play along. Don't worry, I won't revel in it. There won't be any buying of popcorn or enjoyment involved. But I will observe it from afar and not feel a part of it. Abstand will help me distance myself from humanity's horrible realities. With its help, perhaps I will survive the coming maelstrom which seeks to swallow all afloat.