Eberz and Flos

Do you ever go through those periods where it feels like your every purpose is taking things in, ingesting them, rather than, just like an extrovert, spitting them out. It happens to all artists, and, I suspect, to everyone in general, that there are times of great artistic, creative output and then there are times of silence, where the soul and spirit re-generate.

In my case, this silence has been a away of regenerating, yes, but also of trying to wrap my brain around some stuff that has happened, further pushing me in the direction of my career and my future.

Last weekend, I went to visit my friend Betsy in Wiesbaden. I have talked about Betsy before, I think. She is the one who used to be in my French Diction class at the University of Kansas, and is now in her first year of a Fest contract in Wiesbaden. She is my closest friend in Germany and, thankfully, gives me a lot of strength to pursue this old dream of mine to be a star…just kidding, to be a soloist of some kind.

She is singing in an opera with a relatively famous Heldentenor, Alfons Eberz. He has had a long career, has sung with my voice teacher Jayne Casselmann, and is going to be singing in Parsifal this summer in Bayreuth. Betsy asked him if he might be willing to hear me when I was there last weekend. He did, and thus began my pensive last week or so…

Don't be worried. Everything he said about me was very encouraging. I sang two times through Florestan's aria for him (Fidelio) and one time throu Max's aria (Freischütz.) He said that he was very impressed with what I have, that I am on the right track and that I am further advanced than he had been at my age. The cool thing is, I had the opportunity to see two stage rehearsals with Alfons, got to hear him sing (one of the biggest voices I have ever heard live) and had a chance to talk "business" with him around the table in the cafeteria before he actually heard me. It was cool to talk the trade with him, because we are on the same page about a lot of things. He is 56, and has a long, 30-year career behind him. One would never have known his age, though, from the audience. I had no idea, even when talking with him that he is at least 10 years older than he looks.

He said that my voice has radiant high notes, that my stamina is very, very good (the arias I listed are known in the Heldentenor world as being especially murderous.) It was all in all very positive, when it came to assessing where I ma with my voice.

The hard part at the moment is: 'ok, you have a great voice, you have worked hard to put your technique together, you are mature enough to do something. But what?' The world of opera is a very complicated one, as you can imagine. The typical way to begin a career as a Heldentenor can be modeled after what Alfons himself experienced; he sang for years as a Buffo tenor, doing small, comical parts. He did that for years, getting bigger and bigger roles, singing in bigger and bigger houses, until he was well established as a Heldentenor. It sort of works in the fashion that one could imagine, like a ladder, one taking, with time, one step higher and higher.

Betsy and Alfons had a long conversation about just this problem of 'what to do now.' He was of the opinion that I should not fall into the trap of doing too much too early. He thinks that if I were to start singing Lohengrins and Florestans everywhere, that I would risk doing too much too early and only have a short career because of it.

Jayne was of a different opinion. In fact, everyone who knows anything at all was of a completely different opinion. In this time in my life when I am trying to remain open to people's opinions, I have collected so much thought on the matter, that, when I sang for Alfons, despite being elated that he thought highly of me, I was completely overcome, inundated with information. It was the culmination of information over the past months that finally hit me. Alfons' opinions were just the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back of my psyche.

Jayne thinks that I can go ahead and sing for agents, and then for houses, that I would probably do best not to do a Fest contract somewhere, but should try to sing as a Guest for smaller house (500-800 seats) some of the roles that I will eventually sing in larger houses. When I posed my theory to Jayne, that, although most people have gone up the ladder in the traditional way, that there must be some exceptions to this rule. She agreed wholeheartedly, saying that my particular voice type is the exception to the rule.

I don't know if it was because I really would like that direction best of all, but that answer resonated very distinctly with me. After having worked for a while with Allan, I have come to understand that, once I have asked myself, my real self, a simple question, I can know the answer that lies within. I will still explore all options available to me in the next months. But, if truth be told, starting off doing a few things, real things, in small houses, would be my dream job of the moment.

As time goes on, the direction my life is taking is becoming clearer and clearer. It reminds me of the B.C. comics. There was this one where the little anteater looks to the sky and says "God, if you're up there, send us a message." The next frame shows a giant marquee falling to the earth, with lights a-blazing. The marquee reads "I'm up here." In the same way, I am slowly, bit by bit, being fed pieces to my own puzzle, and the writing on the wall, as it were, seems to be spelling out "you will have a career." Cool. I can only hope that it's true. Whatever happens, though, if I trust in myself and God, I know that things will work out as they should.