Grandmas

Both of Chris’ grandmas celebrated their birthdays over the last couple of weeks. One was 75, the other 89. They both have been an integral part of Chris’ entire life, and he traveled back to Alsbach (an hour and a half away) to celebrate each of them.

I was just reminiscing this morning about how much these women both mean to me. Both have had their arms open to me from the beginning. People are amazed that I am so well accepted into the Herpel household, that someone who was a young lady, and adult, during the Second World War, could, today, be accepting the gay boyfriend of her grandson as one of their own. But, it’s true. Mariechen (89) and Sissi (75) are both loving people who, it seems, have always had a special place in their hearts for Christoph. And, now that Christoph has found someone that will be with him for a long, long time, they are happy for him.

On a side note, I accompanied Chris on his visit to Sissi’s 75th. I have, up to this point, used the “Sie” (the polite form) of German with them. (It is a form you use for people that you don’t know, or that you respect because of age or social standing. Your boss would be a “Sie”, for example.) And, traditionally, I would use that form with Chris’ parents, also. To use the more familiar form, you have to be invited to do so. For instance, someone will say, “Not ‘Sie’, ‘Du’”!, or “You can say ‘du’ with me.” Well, Chris’ parents invited me to the familiar form a long time ago, but with grandparents that you see much less often, and who are more traditional, one normally never changes to the “du” form. At Sissi’s birthday, though, I was sitting at the table, and asked her,

“Who will be sitting at the end of the table in that chair?”
“Opa.” (The word for grandpa), she said.
“Oh,” I said “Herr Schmidt will be sitting there.”
“Nein. Opa. Fertig.” was the reply. (No. Grandpa. Period.)

So, then, in an instant, I was invited to the familiar form, and to not only begin using the Christian names of Sissi and Horst, but, rather, to even go a big step forward and call them Grandpa and Grandma.

Of course, I miss my own immediate family a lot. My parents and sisters will always be close to me. But, I never really had a grandma when I was growing up. My mother’s mother passed on when I was very young. I barely knew her. I have very fond memories of her, of course, but they are early childhood memories that play out in my head like a dream sequence of some kind. The mother of my father is still alive, but, for whatever reason, a vehement hatred of my mother, I suspect, she has wanted nothing to do with us for our entire lives. In other words, I have had no grandma. But, now I do. Maybe I feel overly sentimental this morning, but I really have love in my heart for these two, loving German grandmas of mine. I am only sorry that I will only be able to enjoy them for this part of my life, and not to have had them through all those years when I could have used that kind of unconditional love escape.