Shock and Ra

Where have I been? I had no idea that anyone actually cared. Sweet...really. Unfortunately that does not translate into a better value for my blog, even if the irony of someday getting some kind of monetary kickback for it after having lambasted others doing the same would, in and of itself, be a pure irony of sorts.

Where have I been? I have been horribly depressed, practically unable to even keep up with the absolute minimum of what I should be doing in my life. It has been a slump. What has brought it on is slightly confusing to explain, and perhaps much worse, hoky beyond all imagination.

In the journey of discovering myself, what I like to call ‘life’ (see “commentary” and explanation thereof) I have been doing a lot of meditation, and chakra work. My friend Maria from Wales is on a very similar path as I am and we have helped each other in this discovery process. Within the umbrella word of discovery is an almost automatic healing process, in that, the deeper you go, the more you realize hurt exists there and lies in wait, hiding.

One of the principles of chakra work is that as one clears the pathways of the body, and previously un-aligned chakra pairs re-align. One learns more about oneself in the process and starts to feel more “whole” as a person. As you can imagine, words are difficult to use in describing something that is so esoteric, but I feel the need to express what has happened, even if it remains in most ways a complete mystery.

As one gets better at this re-alignment process, the book says that one can begin to make contact with your spirit guide or angel, to communicate with him/her as they allow one to discover, through time, what the purpose of one’s life is. I am a complete novice at this, and I can honestly say that I have not made any sort of substantive contact with my angel. The time that I did try the exercise that connects one with their angel, I got a vision. This vision is what sent me into a reeling depression.

Somehow, in spite of not really believing in re-incarnation as a principle, I have always thought that some souls on this earth seemed to be old ones and some new. I don’t know why I think this. Hell I’m not sure why I believe a lot of what I believe...a lot of it just comes to me, and when I get a certain feeling, I know, somehow, that it is the truth. Past lives are somehow an integral part of this level of chakra work in that the belief of reincarnation is a Buddhist principle and chakra work has traditionally been done in Buddhist cultures.

Anyway, while I was doing my meditation and chakra work, I got a vision of some kind, an understanding of what my last life was, and it wasn’t pretty. Most people, when they “learn” about what they have been before, always get some kind of grandiose figure like Mari Antoinette or Napoleon. Hardly anyone imagines that they were just some 16th Century serf somewhere. I, and again, I don’t really understand it, got a vision that what I was was not good, really not good. I did something bad. I mean, like more than just murder, something like torture or some other unimaginable thing.

That’s what made me so sad. That’s why I’ve been keeping my head so low. Not just from the realization, either. I mean, with whom in my circle can I even talk to about this? There are few people that wouldn’t listen to such a story and think that I am just off my rocker. But, what can I say? I got a vision. That’s what it was. It rang “true” somehow, and now I have no idea what to do. Well, there it is.