Famed tidbits

It I snowing again! Oh, the gods must be crazy.

Things are really weird over here right now. I continue to have my allergy attack à la unknown cause. The cold weather wiped out the allergens, so there really is no reason for them to be there. I think it might be the bedroom. Chris and I will have to give it a good scrubbing this weekend. Some-in' ain't right, y'all. It's all topsy-turvy right now.

So, I was just about shitting my pants yesterday morning when I got up to find that a nice chunk of gunk had decided to live around my larynx. I figured it would dissipate throughout the day, leaving me free to sing my role in Anatevka in peace. It did go slowly away, but left me with a nice cough—the kiss of death for a singer. I really was not sure whether I would be able to sing my role. Of course, there is a lot of extra pressure put on someone when something like this happens, because no one else can sing my part. They would either have to hire someone from somewhere else in the country and they would come here and sing it, or someone from the house would have to quickly learn the part and try it (an extreme inconvenience for them.) So, there is always pressure not to cancel, and most of the time, one needn't, really. Much of what we have as singers when there is a slight tickle in the throat is angst created by ourselves.

And I had just that yesterday. With so much mucous in the passageways, it makes singing quite the little adventure, you know. I really thought I was going to crap in my pants from fear yesterday. I had to spend a lot of time warming up and trying to make sure that there was no more stuff sitting on my chords. Unfortunately, though, I m not able to go straight from the practice room to my ariette, I have to do a lot of on-stage sitting before it comes up. And, well, as the story goes, my chords got slimy again in the interim.

I stood up to sing. My first note is a high-G held out until the cows come home. I took in a breath and started my phonation. Nothing but static. Kkkkkkkkkkkkkkk for almost a full second, and then the G sounded in its glory. In that one moment, as air flew through my chords, the mucous on top of them flew off, creating an amazing dissonance. Fortunately, the men's chorus sings at the same time, making this static imperceptible to the crowd.

What is really cool, though, is that the aria went well and that, immediately before I started, I remembered something that Allan had said to me before…that, eventually, my connection with God will be so strong, that I will no longer find it important if the audience actually likes what I do or not, that singing will be an expression of my very soul and that, once it's out there, I will not mind how it is received. Very cool idea. I had a little bit of that before I started. It was very, very re-assuring. Of course, when one is in such a tight spot, it makes believing all the more possible. But, now I have a frame of reference that I can continue to use and remember for the future.

And, although the audience's opinion means little in the end, I will have to say that I am pretty sure that I will miss the audience's daily applause as I venture out to begin my solo career. I am sure I will here it again, but, being in the theatre on a daily basis, hearing that applause, I think I have underestimated its power. Ironic considering what I just said.

Funny side notes: when I went to the conductor and asked that I not hold the fist note as long as I normally do because I was not sure about my own health, he said "Ok, I'll listen closely and not hold it out too long. But, that note that you sing there is like musical porno." I thought that was so funny. Finally, I am hot enough and well-endowed enough to be a porn star, albeit a metaphorical one. What a compliment, even if it was an extremely weird thing to say. And, one of the guys that comes as guest to do musicals here was very emphatic about how well I did, his having heard me for the first time yesterday. That was nice to hear. It is a conundrum, isn't it, not caring what the audience thinks, but obviously lapping it up when they say something good?