Medium Extra Large

I had my first contact with an honest-to-goodness medium yesterday. I am still not distanced enough from my nearly two and a half hour conversation with Allan, so it will be difficult to give it the perspective that it really deserves. It was interesting and enlightening, I will tell you that.

I was especially interested in knowing about my immediate future, of course, as I am leaving Pforzheim and am planning on not looking back. In the cards, though, are the two major possibilities of a professorship or a new contract as a soloist. I came into the conversation with him, not knowing quite what to expect, as a medium is one who usually communicates with relatives or loved ones who have passed over to the other side. I really don't have that many dead relatives, so I was curious to know how this would all work.

But Allan is a much more special soul than just someone who relays messages from the other side. He is someone who is able to interpret the meanings of messages passed onto him, and someone who can read you and your intentions, and help you along your path. In a lot of ways, I would say that calling Allan a medium is a bit of an injustice as his knowledge of 'how life works and why' has a certain wisdom that is really very, very rare. It was a joy to talk to him and I hope that I can again.

I was happy to know that there is singing in my future. He seems to think that I will be offered a couple of teaching opportunities here in Germany, but will end up turning them down for a singing contract that comes up. That would make sense. I mean, it is true; I would pick a singing contract over teaching at this point in my life. He also said that he seems to think that my time in Germany will only last for the next 2 or 3 years and that I will then go back to America to somewhere in the Midwest, maybe Chicago. Time is always a little rough around the edges for someone like this, so the idea of 2 or 3 years is simply a gross estimate.

My mother's mother came through in the session, even though she died when I was quite young. She wasn't there to relay a message of any kind, she was just holding a green wreath. I have no idea what this means. Also, a shorter, round lady was there, but I have no idea who that was. I was hoping that Renée would come through, a friend of mine that passed on around 10 years ago, but no sign of her.

Allan was very emphatic about my relationship with Chris. Interestingly, he asked why it was that I came to Germany. "Well, I always thought that it was to come to find a singing job here," I said. "But, now that I have more perspective, I would have to say that I came here to meet Chris." Allan then responded with a strong "Yes!" at this. I had had the inclination before I came to Germany that I would meet my life partner there, and that there was a kind of secondary meaning fro my trip other than just the singing, but my mind was strong and goal-oriented and downplayed the second thing, which turned out to be the most important thing of all.

Allan was very understanding about what kind of person I am, telling me that I am intelligent and have spent my whole life acquiring knowledge in many different fields (not a bad insight considering he told me this after having spoken no more than 10 words with him.) He said that I had, for a long time, tried to use my mind to gather knowledge about singing, and that I felt, at some level, that my art was a lot more about technique and knowledge than about "soul." Allan re-enforced my inklings that I need to continue on my spiritual trek in order to make my singing better. My connection with God, a connection that I seek very strongly, will greatly change my singing. And, this connection with God will allow so many of my problems with nerves to simply melt away, because the only thing that will be important while I am singing will be God and me and this "connection" that he is talking about. In that moment, the audience's like or dislike of what I do will no longer be important, the connection with the Divine taking entire precedence.

He was very perceptive about my relationship with my fellow man, having felt for most of my life that I am an outsider from my "tribe" and that I am not understood by people around me. I thought that, too, was very insightful. I have always wanted to be a hermit of some kind, escaping from Man if possible, because it is Man that has hurt me so much.

Allan thinks that I have much to learn from Chris on a spiritual level, also re-enforcing an idea that both Chris and I have with each other—that we love each other all the more because we are better people for being together. But, Chris as a spiritual model? That was a surprise. I have much to learn from Chris, though, I have to admit. That it be in this area without me knowing simply means that I have been blind to the fact. Allan says that what I have with Chris is a very, very special thing that very few people in this world have the luck to encounter. It is true, and I do feel very grateful. I can honestly say that my love for Chris grows with every passing day, and that I love him more today than even when we first met. There aren't many couples than can boast that!

I feel that, although I was very connected to a spiritual path when I was younger, that I somehow, probably for my own survival, abandoned "believing" so much and became, instead, reliant solely on my intellect. I have to turn back to my spirituality now, and seek a better relationship with God. This is something that I know is true.

The conversation with Allan was a profound one, which gives me a nice push along my path. It helps me to know that I am going in the right direction. As well, it is good to know that some of the facets of my journey should not be ignored.

So you see, although, many of you reading this probably thought I was nuts when you say the word "medium" at the beginning of this post, very few of you probably think that I am nuts now that I explain, right? Sometimes you have to think outside of the box in order to better yourself, and that includes me.