The Inner Struggle

In a search to understand racism and its effects upon the individual, academia has, in many ways rightly, come up with explanations as to how we are where we are in the year 2015. I have always found the idea of institutional racism, for instance, very relatable, as it helps to explain the structure that limits the possibility of advancement for some, without placing blame of individuals of our generation. We did not invent racism, after all, and did not choose to be taught the psychological constructs that are a part of us, nor have most of us ever deliberately harmed any individual in any way because of their race.

The current stream of consciousness amongst those who study racism seems to be pointing in a wholly new direction–that a series of very small slights, even sometimes themselves mere innuendos, can have a cumulative effect upon one's individual consciousness, and that, given enough time, these slights, called micro-aggressions, can bring one to a psychological breaking point. This break can be manifested in several different ways: as despair, counter-agression, apathy, etc. This theory helps to explain what has been happening on the campuses of the University of Missouri (Columbia) and Yale.

Some see the reactions of black students there as being "overly sensitive". Prof. Derald Wing Sue (Columbia University) in a recent interview on the PBS Newshour, posited, however, that the students' reactions were understandable when one takes into account that the vast majority of Blacks have experienced micro-aggressions over the span of many years.

Such a supposition, though, does make me wonder whether micro-aggressions can explain similar dilemmas seen in other communities. Is it possible that micro-aggressions have had a cumulative effect on me personally? Is it possible that a long series of slights over many years about my being gay have somehow attributed to my own feelings of apprehension? Perhaps my mistrust, too, of my fellow man can stem from an unknown cache of negative memories, a vault of every wound given me over the years by homophobic barbs willfully or unknowingly lobbed in my direction?

What I am wondering is: how far can one take the theory of micro-aggressions... Is there not a cumulative effect of micro-aggressions for my being fat? smart? strange? American? If the reactions of protesting students at Mizzou are "understandable" because of the cumulative effect of micro-aggressions, then am I also to assume that someday I may react unexpectedly when one fat joke becomes the proverbial feather that breaks the camel's back, and that my reaction, no matter how extreme is also "understandable"?

The funny thing is, I know from my own experience that it is silly to expect society to change when it comes to how people secretly feel: their prejudices, phobias, insecurities, and what have you. People have issues, to put it bluntly. I know that becoming comfortable with myself, being really grounded, and working to accept myself as I am, that all of these things were the one true antidote to the little slights of life. I can only assume, too, that the students at Mizzou, because of a very permissive society, because of feeling empowered by Black Lives Matter, because of who knows what, are seeking to change the society around them in order to no longer have to feel these micro-aggressions. Well, that is indeed idealistic. All of that effort, all of that public blood-letting, emotions boiling over...so many young people with so much rage on their faces, determined to eliminate racism at its core. I am sorry to say that their efforts are for naught.

It is only when we accept ourselves and are compassionate with other people because of their own insecurities that real progress is made. Harvey Milk was right when he said (paraphrasing), that the Gay Rights Movement can march all it wants, but the tide will truly change when people begin to come out to their families. By the same token, the subtleties of prejudice will not be eradicated by bringing about awareness of the theories of White Supremacy and Micro-aggressions.

The road to happiness is an inner one, a struggle which can only be fought by yourself, within you. My advice to them is to work on themselves as individuals, to love themselves completely no matter what their society thinks. I don't need society to tell me I'm ok even if I'm gay, fat, strange, whatever. I don't need that because I know it myself. #mizzou #blacklivesmatter