King Kryzon

After having seen another great original show on MTV recently, I fished out this little story I wrote on December 2nd, 2004:

I think I saw the funniest thing ever today.

Completely consumed by jealousy at watching that show on MTV called “Pimp My Ride” every night (a show where a surprise guest with a really crappy car gets his vehicle a custom make-over, usually involving several TV screens and subwoofers, etc.), the Germans have come up with their own version. It even is shown directly after the American “Pimp My Ride” episode, and it uses the same music, logo design, etc.

Except, the German version is called “Pimp My Fahrrad” (Pimp My Bicycle.) A famous, German rapper called Das Bo hosts it, and the premise follows that of the original MTV version. A poor, unfortunate, yet usually good-looking and extra-cool young person who just happens to ride a wreck of a bike is chosen to have his bike made into an exquisite piece of pop art.

The episode that I saw took a bike that a guy from Hamburg had fished out of a canal in Amsterdam and made into an in-your-face chopper with leopard seats, an on-board MP3 player and a working tattoo gun.

After seeing his dream bike before him, the young Hamburger looks into the camera and thanks MTV for making his bike “gepimped”. (Yes, in the worst Denglish yet known to man, he said “pimped” but made it in the past tense by adding a German “ge” to the word.)

I can only recommend other cool programs for MTV after having busted a gut laughing at this. Maybe there should be a “Pimp my Riksha” for Beijing or New Delhi, a “Pimp My Camel” for a young hip Middle Easterner, or a “Pimp My Sleigh” direct from Sweden. I suppose for a special episode, one could pimp out a gondola for a Venetian, but, it seems to me those are pretty well already pimped out. I just hope it doesn’t get to the point that, in the efforts for increasing inter-generational viewing, MTV ever tries a “Pimp My Cane” or “Pimp My Walker” episode.


Funny. I had to show you that article as a background, for the next step, already one year later has been taken. “Pimp my Bicycle” has been replaced, folks. Yes, we will all mourn its passing. It has been replaced, though, with a concept that opens up worlds of possibilities:

“Pimp my Whatever” gives MTV Deutschland free reign over what it is that they may want improved upon. The episode we saw was a doghouse for a cool, yet obviously destitute canine in Hamburg.


The dog, King Kryzon, in just 30 minutes time, goes from a veritable shack in the yards of destitute dilapidation to a dog fortress, complete with turrets, and a working drawbridge. Red carpet and designer doggie toys will certainly make him happy this winter in the Northland. His new pad came complete with a stereo with specially formulated doggie music and a web cam so the world can keep an eye on King Kryzon as he assimilates to his new ritzy lifestyle. This is a classic rags to riches story, people. Ol’ Kryzon was just a diamond in the ruff ruff before he met that cool MTV gang.