Retort: to tort again

Karen and I have had a bit of a squabble, I’m afraid. She is a medical student in her residency in New York City, where the bad salsa that Pace is better than is made. I have come to really enjoy, nay, be addicted to, her blog. She is a funny lady. But, recently, her blog has fallen into disarray. The response to my simple, hey, let’s just say it, admirable and neighborly request for more content in her blog evoked hysterical diatribes about being too busy. So, I retort.

Karen, sorry, you baited me, and I think we all know what that means...

Questions:

1. How can one colon be removed from more than one person? Now, that’s newsworthy.
2. Why weren’t there any cool, little hyperlinks that would show us, if we so chose, cool pictures of what a, let’s say, “rectal prolapse” looks like? I would rank it as highly as your perfect pumpkin.
3. Instead of calling me a “some people”, I would have preferred to have been called “the people”, “one of the elite”, simply “The One”, or “One of the God’s Themselves.”

At the University of Kansas, people used to call me “the Josh,” which I thought was endearing until they changed it to “das Josh” in order to better accentuate my androgynous nature. Then again, they also use to call me “the anti-gay” because I was gay but had none of the preferred gay qualities (i.e., I was overweight, could not, for the life of me, decorate my house, did not know Bette Midler’s life story from cradle to, ok bad expression, from then till now.) I’m beginning to think those friends were kind of mean...

4. On October 29th, you said that you had just spent a half an hour looking for a video clip. I would have preferred you spending that time WRITING.

Now, my love, and I call you that with real feeling, please don’t make your stories of your highly-adventurous life oberflächlich by quoting others. You are a gifted writer, and I want to see you singe the pages with the already-searing venom (I love the imagery of hot venom somehow) that your residency creates. Specifically, I would love to hear more about the drama (I know this was a big surprise) and tales of how you have been pimped. (Now I know what MTV passed on the “Pimp my First Year Resident” pilot. It has no ring to it.) (Parentheses. Addictive. Help me.)

I know you must hate me now. But, don’t. Just think of it all as latent jealousy. I wish I had the exciting, constant banter that one can see on “Scrubbs.” Just think, that is your life! And, being in New York, and all, definitely adds more excitement to the pot. Give some of that... that verve...that vigor...that venomed vervy vigor vibarting vithin.

Poo.