Homeland Insecurity

Honestly, if I ever dreamed of the time that Chris and I would sit together doing guided meditation, I must have quickly stopped myself, self-chiding at the absolute impossibility of such a notion. I am the meditator. I have been doing it for years, and it has truly helped me find myself in some form. I have never done it consistently enough, though...consistency being an ever-present theme in my life. So, meditation seems a facet of my life as it is. But Chris? Chris is not exactly what I would consider a "spiritual" person, to use a pop term. He is just not interested in such things. But, lately, he has become interested in Buddhism, and meditation being one of its major tenants, he is going to give it a try.

So, sitting on our bed, listening to the dulcet tones of some man named Korn something, we meditated together. I would never have imagined this day. But, without any prodding or manipulation, he was sitting next to me, meditating. Wow, my life really is changing.

What's next? Tantric sex? God, I could only hope.

Last night was another Tannhäuser. I swear, I must have a really soft heart these days, because, as the men's chorus began the famous "beglückt darf' nun dich, o Heimat, ich schauen", a tear began to roll down my face. "Blest, I may now look on thee, oh, my native land", the beginning lines of the Pilgrim's Chorus, sung as the old Pilgrims return from their long journeys abroad, touches me sometimes because I feel, in some way, that I am on a jjourney in a foreign land. I go through moods where I cannot imagine living in America. Then, though, there is this vacillation to a homesickness that I sometimes feel. I long for going to the top of the overpass that stands near our house in Argenta, and to look out over the Great Plains, seeing the farm fields and great sky for miles on end.

And I could really go for a good hamburger now and again, but anyway...