The Light in the Road

This week’s lesson and coaching did not go so well. They weren’t horrible, but they were not the extremely positive experiences they had been last week. That is ok. Circle of life and all that crap. But, I have noticed something that I need to continue to work on: centering on the positive. Last week, I had done so much meditation, and was able to get my heart chakra open. Maybe I should say something about that: I probably have mentioned that the “end game” of my vocal development, this part where there is just fine tuning to be done, annoying fine tuning that my sweeping generalities kind of mind finds hard to concentrate on, is enough to get me sent to the funny farm (where maybe I could learn to be funny. Secret!)

Anyway, I equate it to the mind games that a sportsman plays with himself before the game--he psyches himself up, making himself believe that he can win. That’s what I am going through on some level right now. Last week was such a contrast to this week because of this “focusing on the positive” idea. The problem is, you gots to be vigilant, wacking those negative impulses out of your head. Really, you don’t try to get rid of them, you just shift your focus to the positive. I’ve been too yin-y and need to be yang-y.

Grunge is out people! The frustrated intellectual who wears all black and sees the universe as a decrepit place is so 90s. I think that I have enjoyed wallowing in the mire for far too long. Now is the time where I have somehow allowed myself to stand up and see the horizon. I kind of forgot it was there. This week, though, was an involuntary slip back into the pit. Must stand up and escape. There are parts of me that don’t want to leave the darkness.

Speaking of the mire… Just finished a truly remarkable book called “The Road” by Cormac McCarthy. Now, this is truly a masterpiece of writing like I have never seen. Spectacular wordsmanship. Truly amazing. Please read it. It is really one of the best books I have seen in a long time. It may not necessarily be the right book for someone like me who is refocusing on the positive. Let’s just say Pollyanna does not make a guest appearance in the book. But, I could hardly put it down and it has been strongly in my mind since I read it. McCarthy has to be one of the most gifted writers I have encountered. Did I mention it won the Pulitzer?

Verloren

Do you ever feel like there is something that you do, something that you know is bad for you, but, because of your own obsession, you can’t seem to stop. We all have vices, yes, but this is more like that accident that you can’t turn away from. In this case, every time, I do it, I verbally say “Ah!” This is an “ah” twinged with anger and resentment, resentment that I have somehow, once again, been had. Being had, I guess, is supposed to be an intriguing thing. I must secretly love it, because I keep coming back for more. When I consider my inability to stop, I liken myself to the beaten wife who has to stay with her husband. That’s right, every time I do it, I kick myself, yet do it again at the very next opportunity.

Ok, I have a confession to make: I am addicted to “Lost”. It has strung me along for three whole seasons and, with my being unable to stop, will string me along for another.

What was it they said about ‘curiosity’?

So, does anyone have any ideas as to why the team has come to the island?

Mitt Romney is the devil, encore.

This is a blog that I posted in December 2006. Just wanted to say: I told you so!

Finally, a political figure to which “Lug'” has devoted his entire blog has made it to the national news. Before I heard his name recently on NPR, I had only heard of him after having been heavily “criticized” by ol' Luggy in my blog entry about Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid's being a Mormon. (See “Oh my God, I'm a bigot”—November 15, 2006.)

Well, I thought Reid was bad enough. Geez. At least Reid has the common decency to masquerade as a Democrat. But, to just go streaking through the political landscape with your right-wing Republican goods just hanging out? These days? Dude, that is so 1996. It's like what I always say about you breeders out there: “I don't mind straight people, I just expect them to act gay in public.”

Now that I have become more familiar with Mitt Romney, the soon-to-be ex-governor of Massachusetts, I think I can understand better the reason behind my Mormon prejudice. When anyone says something like "Attaching the word marriage to the association of same-sex individuals mistakenly presumes that marriage is principally a matter of adult benefits and adult rights. In fact, marriage is principally about the nurturing and development of children. And the successful development of children is critical to the preservation and success of our nation." Uh, ok... what was it abortion rights activists used to say...“keep your laws off my body”? Well, Mr. Romney, I urge you to keep your silly Momo definitions off my vocabulary!

I mean, since the purpose of marriage is making little kiddies, those that fail to pop them out must automatically see their marriages as giant failures, right? Just because a Mormon couple that has anything less than 12 kids is a total let-down to their faith doesn't mean that the thousands upon thousands of couple who have chosen not to reproduce should feel valueless, does it? When such a concise and constraining definition of marriage comes down from the governor himself, one would think that he could someday envision legislation decreeing that couples, when issued a marriage license, should be given a fair time frame to have progeny of some kind. If they have no children within the time allotted, the state should revoke their license and render them automatically divorced!

The Massachusetts millionaire claims that he abhors discrimination against gays, insisting that he only wants to protect the institution of marriage. Yet, he is also against civil unions for gays. Why doesn't he just come out and say it? Why are politicians always incapable of saying what they think? He thinks that gays are the pox of society and doesn't want their existence in any way sanctioned by the government. That's what he thinks. Just say it for Chrissake. I am sure he would like to just ship us all off somewhere...

(I have secretly loved the idea of getting shipped off to an island together, all us from the evil gay underground. Can you imagine the beach parties, I mean “Hello”! I can just see the newest reality show “Lost: a gay romp in the jungle” being a big hit. Let's just say, we wouldn't have killed off that hunky Mr. Eko quite so haphazardly. Damn you ABC and your CBS ways!)

I digress.

Oh, yeah, Mitt Romney, devil, etc.

I, in closing, just want to point out that Mitt (what the hell kind of name is that anyway...is that one of them Mormon names) wants to run for president. That is SO funny. I mean, what do these people think? Do they think that my fellow WASPs are just going to sit around and let an actual self-professed cultist climb that high on the social ladder? I just have to chuckle to myself that they don't seem to understand that this governorship was just table scraps to keep everyone satisfied. Well, nothing says happy multi-cultural society like a token Mormon Neocon on the ticket, right?

What's scary is that Mitt actually believes that he IS a good ol' boy. It's like when Dave Chappelle plays a blind Ku Klux Klan leader who doesn't know he's black because he was raised by white-supremacists. He never found out the truth because no one ever had the heart to tell him.

Well dammit to hell, someone's got to: Mr. Romney, you ain't got a snowball's chance in hell of being the next president of these here United States. Just go back to business and go back to what y'all are good at, making money and little Momo babies. All my best, J.

Witty Sampler

Confessions, today:

1. I “happened upon” a copy of the movie “The Naked Gun”. I remember thinking that it was funny when I was young. I watched a bit today and practically laughed myself off my chair. Get a copy, people. Watch it. It’s still funny.

2. I am not sure if I have mentioned this before…so forgive me if I repeat myself. Sometimes, my muscles kind of tense up, especially in my upper back and trapezius muscles. It takes a lot to get them to release. Magnesium helps a lot. But, the only thing that is sure to work every time is 12-13 minutes in a 90 degree (Celsius) sauna followed by about 6 or 7 minutes outside (during the winter). This hot/cold combination forces my muscles to release and gives me an overall almost euphoric feeling. I highly recommend trying the sauna sometime if you are not familiar with it! And, now when Frühjahrsmüdigkeit is creeping up on a lot of people, this hot/cold combination is a great cure for the time between the winter and the spring when we all start to feel unusually tired.


3. An absolutely fabulous movie that I recently came across is “Atonement”, based on the story by Ian McEwan. This movie has everything in it—great acting, sumptuous cinematography, and a story that is just beyond belief gut wrenching. Atonement is a Merchant Ivory kind of movie set in the 30s and 40s in Europe. It has my greatest stamp of approval of any movie I have seen in some time. The only weak point is the music, in my opinion. It is a score by Dario Marianelli, and is some rather lame attempt at minimalism, based strongly on the sounds and rhythms of a typewriter. Mr. Marinelli also wrote the music for “V is for Vendetta”, and I remember much appreciating its Neo-Classical flare. I guess the point being is that not every composer can compose in every genre. To most of you the music of a film is not so important. For me, though, it is something that I really notice. His score, apparently, has also been nominated for an Oscar. I had no idea this movie was even in the running for so many awards before I had seen it. (I just had to reveal what great taste I have.) Anyway, I strongly disagree with the nomination of the composer.

Thinking

I think that I probably talked to you about the cultural experiment that Joshua Bell took part in some time ago. He played in a train station somewhere, in normal clothes, just to see if anyone would even notice greatness if it were placed before them. The experiment, unfortunately, showed the worst side of people: practically no one noticed him at all.

Having 45 minutes until my next train from Stuttgart to Pforzheim today, I left the Hauptbahnhof, which is adjacent to the city’s sprawling pedestrian shopping center. I walked out to get some fresh air and also to see, if, just by chance, my favorite accordion player was there, playing in the open of winter. He wasn’t. But, I was lucky enough to make a new discovery, another accordionist, a young man, who played some long, Debussy-esque jazz improvs, some lasting nearly ten minutes. Well, he was just brilliant.

I am coming home from having had a marvelous coaching yesterday and an equally exquisite voice lesson today. I am definitely on the upswing of life’s mania/depression. As the layers of dust covering my instrument are being lifted, I am discovering sounds that I have never heard come out of me before. At the same time, the layers of my carefully constructed, guarded psyche are being peeled back and revealing parts of myself I have not known for a very long time. Who knew it...singing is not just an intellectual act. Instead, it is an expression of body, mind and spirit, all.

And just as I have been contemplating what the word “passion” means to me, I happen upon a brilliant street musician who is playing his heart out, but being practically ignored. I say “practically“, because it is the part that really touched me. It is true, yes, that most people seem to not even notice that the man is playing before them. But, there are a few, a blessed few, that recognize what they are hearing, veer from their paths to come closer, stop for just a moment amongst their stress-filled lives, and listen. And, when they do, they take out their change purses and give generously, often simply emptying all the coins they have. When I noticed this, the tears welled up. It seemed to say: it does not matter if great numbers recognize your talent, because those who do are so emphatic about it, it makes up for the loss.

This answers some questions I have about humanity.

When I ask myself “do I have passion within me?”, I often come up with strangely complex answers, many of them taking on the form of the “if a tree falls in the wood and no one is there to hear it” kind of composition. Believe it or not, and I know this basically means I am a bastard, I believe one of the reasons that I am so hesitant to share what I have within me is this burning question “does the world deserve it?”

The idea of pouring out the passions that lie within me into a world that kills and maims so easily, that does not seem to respect even the most innocent among us, a world that, in spite of its great beauty, seems to be filled with an equally grandiose amount of shit, a disproportionate amount of which seems to be created by Man, is a hell of a lot like “pearls to swine”, if you ask me. This makes me an egotistical bastard, an asshole, yes. But, I am so sick of this war and war in general (all that killing.) I, thank God, sincerely, that I do not have to witness it first hand. That anyone would have to endure such things as war, child abuse, wife beating, close-mindedness, and even just plain meanness is such a shame. The idealist in me, unwilling to admit that yes, life is unfair, is sickened by the state of the world today.

Rise above it, you’ll say. I am trying so desperately to re-connect with God and open my heart. But, in my over-sensitivity, I feel like my heart is damaged beyond repair by this world. When a child dies, many a preacher or do-gooder would say “he/she was just too good for this world.” What does that mean? And why is it only applicable to babies?

At what pint can you be simply thankful for the blessings bestowed upon you and deaf to those who have nothing?

So much for the Voice Teacher’s friendly advice of “don’t think too much.”

At least now I know what happened to me...

Ok, this is fucking hilarious...I mean hirarious:

Bad English, asia style

Ok, I cannot claim I discovered this. Chris actually passed it on to me:

www.engrish.com

A sample: