Expanse

Culture shock can easily be defined as being so inundated by the differences present around you in a foreign culture that you seem at times overwhelmed. Mostly, the term refers to moving to a different country, where the foreign language, food, people, or lifestyle can seem so different as to destabilize one’s comfort level. Moving to Berlin was by no means the same as moving to a different country. But, strangely enough, the culture shock that I now feel seems as great if not greater than when I had moved to Germany.

I guess there were limitations in living in such a small town in southern Germany. I tended to have either overlooked these limitations, glossing them over, or simply exercising my talent for boundless rationalization in order to come to grips with where I was. I must have, as, by the time I left, I had no idea that they were as pronounced, or, for that matter, that they even existed. Even now when I try to identify what those limitations were in Pforzheim, there is a strong commentary that wells up within my psyche insisting that I either never really needed those things I longed for anyway, or was content to live with some variation of the original. But, these commentaries, borne out of necessity, seem to shrivel when I walk into my local Berlin supermarket, and find myself, slack-jawed, standing before the “American section” where I can buy Betty Crocker cake mixes, Hellmann’s mayonnaise, or Pam cooking spray. There is always some heavenly music that plays when I remember myself stunned before the marketing that was before me as I beheld the almost-forgotten foods of my homeland: trumpets, organs and harps play the Music of the Spheres, as the rest of the market is dimmed by the spotlight shining down from the heavens on me and those beloved products, its radiance forcing the other shoppers into some kind of suspended animation. For this one remembered moment lasts but a few moments, just time enough for me to change into my tutu and prance a quick pas de deux with the macaroni and cheese. On one hand, learning to bake cakes from scratch was a skill that Pforzheim forced upon me, one for which I am grateful. On the other hand, was it really necessary to go 4 years without Root Beer or Doritos?

This limitless expanse which is Berlin, culturally, gastronomically, socially, is at the heart of my culture shock. I would equate it to a Neolithic cave dweller, perfectly happy having lived his life within the forest, suddenly finding the point at which the forest is forest no more, and, as he walks through the tree line, finds himself before a seemingly endless plain. How I imagine I would feel at this enormous surprise cannot be the normal reaction, as some free spirits, I would think, would simply run off into the distance, at last feeling free. I, that is, the Neanderthal I of this story, would probably look for a while in amazement, and simply walk sheepishly backwards, retreating to the shade of constant twilight, at least for a day or two, until I worked up enough courage to wander out into the nakedness. The Berlin of endless possibilities is, to me, disquieting like that first glimpse of the plain. Yes, it is a wonderful disquieting, but disquieting none-the-less. Just forgive me for a couple of weeks while I look my urban gift horse in the mouth, and quietly back away. I will wake from my slumber and realize soon how lucky I am. Until then, though, I will just have to accept my powderpuffness, floating around, eyes full of wonder, praying silently that a stiff breeze doesn’t just blow me away forever.

Relationship advice? Ask your token gay.

I couldn’t help but cut and paste this article in case you had missed it. It’s about the potential differences between straight committed relationships and gay ones. Looks like you breeders have something to learn from us after all. Har har.

For insights into healthy marriages, social scientists are looking in an unexpected place.

New York Times
By Tara Parker-Pope
Published: June 10, 2008

A growing body of evidence shows that same-sex couples have a great deal to teach everyone else about marriage and relationships. Most studies show surprisingly few differences between committed gay couples and committed straight couples, but the differences that do emerge have shed light on the kinds of conflicts that can endanger heterosexual relationships.
The findings offer hope that some of the most vexing problems are not necessarily entrenched in deep-rooted biological differences between men and women. And that, in turn, offers hope that the problems can be solved.

Next week, California will begin issuing marriage licenses to same-sex couples, reigniting the national debate over gay marriage. But relationship researchers say it also presents an opportunity to study the effects of marriage on the quality of all relationships.

“When I look at what’s happening in California, I think there’s a lot to be learned to explore how human beings relate to one another,” said Sondra E. Solomon, an associate professor of psychology at the University of Vermont. “How people care for each other, how they share responsibility, power and authority — those are the key issues in relationships.”

The stereotype for same-sex relationships is that they do not last. But that may be due, in large part, to the lack of legal and social recognition given to same-sex couples. Studies of dissolution rates vary widely.

After Vermont legalized same-sex civil unions in 2000, researchers surveyed nearly 1,000 couples, including same-sex couples and their heterosexual married siblings. The focus was on how the relationships were affected by common causes of marital strife like housework, sex and money.

Notably, same-sex relationships, whether between men or women, were far more egalitarian than heterosexual ones. In heterosexual couples, women did far more of the housework; men were more likely to have the financial responsibility; and men were more likely to initiate sex, while women were more likely to refuse it or to start a conversation about problems in the relationship. With same-sex couples, of course, none of these dichotomies were possible, and the partners tended to share the burdens far more equally.

While the gay and lesbian couples had about the same rate of conflict as the heterosexual ones, they appeared to have more relationship satisfaction, suggesting that the inequality of opposite-sex relationships can take a toll.

“Heterosexual married women live with a lot of anger about having to do the tasks not only in the house but in the relationship,” said Esther D. Rothblum, a professor of women’s studies at San Diego State University. “That’s very different than what same-sex couples and heterosexual men live with.”

Other studies show that what couples argue about is far less important than how they argue. The egalitarian nature of same-sex relationships appears to spill over into how those couples resolve conflict.

One well-known study used mathematical modeling to decipher the interactions between committed gay couples. The results, published in two 2003 articles in The Journal of Homosexuality, showed that when same-sex couples argued, they tended to fight more fairly than heterosexual couples, making fewer verbal attacks and more of an effort to defuse the confrontation.
Controlling and hostile emotional tactics, like belligerence and domineering, were less common among gay couples.
Same-sex couples were also less likely to develop an elevated heartbeat and adrenaline surges during arguments. And straight couples were more likely to stay physically agitated after a conflict.

“When they got into these really negative interactions, gay and lesbian couples were able to do things like use humor and affection that enabled them to step back from the ledge and continue to talk about the problem instead of just exploding,” said Robert W. Levenson, a professor of psychology at the University of California, Berkeley.

The findings suggest that heterosexual couples need to work harder to seek perspective. The ability to see the other person’s point of view appears to be more automatic in same-sex couples, but research shows that heterosexuals who can relate to their partner’s concerns and who are skilled at defusing arguments also have stronger relationships.

One of the most common stereotypes in heterosexual marriages is the “demand-withdraw” interaction, in which the woman tends to be unhappy and to make demands for change, while the man reacts by withdrawing from the conflict. But some surprising new research shows that same-sex couples also exhibit the pattern, contradicting the notion that the behavior is rooted in gender, according to an abstract presented at the 2006 meeting of the Association for Psychological Science by Sarah R. Holley, a psychology researcher at Berkeley.

Dr. Levenson says this is good news for all couples.

“Like everybody else, I thought this was male behavior and female behavior, but it’s not,” he said. “That means there is a lot more hope that you can do something about it.”

Legacy

I just lifted these sentences from a Washington Post article. It sort of says it all, in my opinion.

"Unfortunately for the president, many historians have already reached a conclusion. In an informal survey of scholars this spring, just two out of 109 historians said Bush would be judged a success; a majority deemed him the "worst president ever.""

A majority? That is classic. Bush is coming to Berlin to commemorate the Berlin Airlift this week. I am just so sad that I won't be here, as I would love to construct a sign that reads "Another expatriate ashamed of the Bush presidency." Maybe I could have even ended up in some newspaper. Oh well, it goes on the long list of 'things just not meant to be.'

The Genius

I don't now if any of you know this, but Frank LLoyd Wright is a huge inspiration of mine. Well, I always celebrate his birthday every year on June 8th. I'm afraid this year will just be by eating Bratkartoffeln inspired by the Guggenheim, and watching some FLW footage on YouTube, but, considering the circumstance (my PBS special DVD set is packed away in Pforzheim), it will have to do.

Truth is Life.

That's him on the left in case you've never seen him.

OMG, this is great!

For those of you that remember the "little black dress" incident:

Due to overwhelming curiosity (ok, one comment, but a kick-ass comment nonetheless), I am forced to brag to you about our apartment. ☺

I took a walk through of the neighborhood last night, because that is, after all, a really good way to see the good the bad and the ugly of a Kiez. Well, whereas I was happy that we would be moving into this neighborhood, I am now ecstatic.

Not more than a block away from our apartment is a beautiful little plaza, very green, which was, last night, filled with middle-aged yuppies just like, kind of, us. Nice restaurants are there, two supermarkets, a butcher, a cheese store (yayyyyyyy), etc., etc. In the other direction from the house are some cafés and, almost beyond believable, a real French bakery for croissants and baguettes. And the entire neighborhood is quiet…very quiet. Our location is also 5 minutes away from 3 different subway lines, one of which has a very quick link to Chris’ work. In other words, we have really lucked out. We put our need and positive energy out into the universe and she/he delivered.

The apartment itself is in a Seitenflügel, so off of the side of the courtyard. German apartment buildings constructed as ours (around 1910) were constructed in a square with a courtyard in the middle. As was often the case, the entryway of the building was built to impress.



You can see our apartment on the (American) second floor when you walk into the courtyard and look to the right. The courtyard itself is a beautiful garden filled with roses and other flowers.


When you enter our apartment, you are propelled into a time warp, as it appears that the apartment, with all of its moldings, (probably) original kitchen tiles, and beautiful hard wood floors (Dielen), has been untouched since its construction. In fact, there is a large rectangle section of the kitchen floor without tiles where the large, fire burning stove once stood.




The bathroom is a trip, too, as the tub and water basin are built into their little prep-school-esque portion. The other half is free space with a big closet.


Just to of this closet in the bathroom is another closet that you have to duck to enter as it is a real Water Closet where the toilet is housed, separately. I personally think that is hilarious. Many German homes have a separated WC, but I haven’t seen one like this since I stayed in an old, converted château in Lyons. I have always considered pooping a private experience, now it can be revered as such an act, separate from the world.









What the pictures do not capture is the extreme vertical nature of the apartment. The ceilings have to be almost 14 or 15 feet high.

This picture goes only to the top of the door, but there is a whole portion there that extends to the ceiling that you cannot see. For reference, I am 6 feet 2 inches.

The apartment is about 950 square feet. And, it came at a good price. Anyway, we’re happy!

Glück auf

I must just be in the mood for predictions lately. Somehow, though, as I watch the NBC Nightly News, and read the papers, it seems that the people normally “in the know” about such things have just got their heads in the sand. I believe in positive thinking; hell, I even started reading (and not finishing) “The Secret”. (How gay am I?)

But, there is a storm a-brewing, people, and I would suggest that everyone take shelter. Even NBC described it as “the perfect storm”, a combination of sky-rocketing oil prices (a barrel up more than $10 in one day), a spike in the unemployment rate (now at 5.5%), and the stock market plunging (down almost 400 points.) Most believe that gas will be $5.50 a gallon by July 4th.

Several months ago I had a premonition that much more than a recession was on the horizon. I believe that the staggering amount of debt that the typical American has accumulated, the specter of inflation because of oil prices, etc., the terrible weakness of the dollar (also a product of bad trade practice with China et al.) and the bulging national debt (aggravated by the cost of the Iraq War) all together spell a horrible, potential doomsday for us all. I say “us all” because when America sneezes, the rest of the world gets a cold. Although I have, perhaps, been involuntarily pulled into the vortex of European over-confidence, and there is a part of me that hopes that our economy here could weather such a storm, the truth of the matter is that the interconnectivity of the world’s economies is such that this crisis could actually create a domino effect that feeds off of itself, and thus destabilizes the world economy. There is potential tailspin there that is undeniable.

Now would be the time to convert stocks into cash, I my opinion. Or, perhaps I should say, yesterday was the time to convert assets into cash.

I am just short of painting a sign saying, “The end is near” and walking through the streets of Berlin.

Life and Death

I just want to be the first to say it: Hillary would make a wonderful Secretary of State. She would be bored out of her mind with the mostly-symbolic nature of the office of Vice President. The only nice thing about the post, really, is that Americans seem to think that being one affords you the reasonable possibility of being the president the next time around. I have two words to refute just that argument—Dan Quayle.

Foreigners love Hillary and they loved Bill as a president, so her appointment would have that sort of fame-factor, giving us at least some leverage. Plus, Secretary of State is a very important job, those who have worked in the post often being major voices in administration policy decisions. Really, the past 2 really successful secretaries of state were women (Madeline Albright and Condoleeza Rice.) Maybe it’s that secret women’s gene that allows them to multi-task that just makes sense to fulfill such a complicated job description. Women are just great politicians, though, really.

Chris’ grandfather passed away yesterday. It is a very sad moment for the entire family. Opa was such a gentle and wise soul. He will be missed. We will fly back for the funeral this week and I will stay in the area to solidify our moving out of the South.

Oh yes, which brings up the ‘sweet’ part of the bittersweet day that was yesterday…we got our dream apartment! We will have the keys on Tuesday and are now moving frantically into the next stage: the moving itself.

Feeling, truth

Just some tidbits of what’s been on my mind:

The apartment search continues…

Whereas I am more hopeful in that we have seen some acceptable apartments over the past few days, the whole process does seem to be even longer and drawn out than I had expected it to be. We have applied to one place so far and will apply to a couple more, I am assuming. Then, fate, God, and all that will have a real hand in determining whether we get the place that is right for us or not. I am feeling positive about it today.

Obama. What can I say? When NBC announced that he is the “presumptive nominee”, I got teary-eyed again. A black man, as the nominee, maybe even as president. It is just what the US needs right now, and the one thing that will instantly heal the divide that GW has created between us and the rest of the world. Obama really does epitomize hope for many of us and I can’t wait to see him defeat McCain. Things will be ugly between now and November, though. So, be prepared for the ugly head of racism to rear its head even more boldly now than ever before. But, he will come through this trial by fire with shining colors. I believe.

There are so many young women here in Berlin that dress like total sluts. What is with this, people? I just can’t imagine, even if I were really good looking, wanting to wear such things that would so extrovertedly show my sex appeal. I would find it kind of denigrating. Something about it is sad, as though they are advertising that the only thing that they really have going for them is the beauty that they now possess, but that will, eventually, fade. Or, maybe there are some real brain surgeons and astrophysicists under those smoky eyes and hot pants and I’m really the one with the problem. I guess it is kind of like the skinny opera singer thing. Yes, I am sure that you could find one, and yes, he or she would be an exception to the rule, but there is always some hollowness behind that façade that eventually disappoints. Stereotypes are a dangerous thing especially in that they are so often true.